I'm a web designer. I build websites on WordPress for small and startup companies. Sometimes I subcontract to other companies that want to provide web design services. I take care of everything; graphics, content, hosting and domains. Just leave it all to me and let me work my magic. I've got my way of doing things and that's how I roll.

Me on the internet

Okay, I'm a control freak. There are very good reasons for this, but the main one is that when I'm not in full control of a situation, things go horribly, spectacularly wrong.

The trouble with trying to operate a business like mine in the current economic climate is that I have to compete with other service providers.

I work the way I do because I've tried other ways and they have failed. I'm self-taught and learned everything I know from experience.

So when I make a recommendation about what to do or how to do it, the reason I'm right is I know what I'm talking about. Unlike a certain client...

"Build me a website in WordPress using a premium theme. Premium themes are the ones you pay for, right? I know this because this one has fancy features, it looks nice, and I've paid for it. Oh, and fit the content to the theme, not the other way around."

The client

The people who helped to build the internet are the ones to take advice from and if they say you should build from the content out, that's what you do.

The client chose to take a theme-first approach. The theme itself was hideous and had little in the way of customization options.

If you can't make the changes you want and adding content is a logistical exercise, choose another theme.

At least choose a decent-looking one. This was a butt ugly theme for the content we had. It just didn't look right.

butt ugly theme
It might have worked with other content but it just didn't look right with a red and white logo and there wasn't enough space to add the widget content without unbalancing the look of it. So I said...
don't make me do this! It's a horrible theme, a nightmare to work with, and it's incompatible with the plugins you want me to use.

Please don't make me do this
"Premium themes have built-in security features* that protect you from malware, etc. They are better than free themes because I say so. I don't base my opinions on facts or experience and I insist on doing things my way even if I'm wrong."

Client insisting she is right
*Oh, no, they don't, as a general rule.
Being paid-for doesn't make a theme premium. There are plenty of decent free ones. I prefer to use them because they're easier to work with.

Is there no way I can persuade you to let me work the way I want to? The end result will be gorgeous, I promise you.

Confronted with stupidity
"Stop worrying! I've hired some Indian developers. They're great because they're cheap. Use their expertise and manpower.."
The client

"And use that theme I told you to. It's premium and only the premium ones are worth using."

But the work they've done so far is sloppy. They haven't even got their installation up-to-date. AND they haven't installed all the plugins. If I'm going to add all the content, shouldn't I be doing it on the latest version of WordPress?

me, shocked
"Migrate it anyway."

The client

"The developers I hired haven't done the work but they're willing to send you the files so you can upload them yourself. Just upload them as they are. It'll be fine. It's just a matter of uploading them, right?"

This is not going to work. The team have said they'd do it and they haven't. Site migration is like brain surgery; make one mistake and it all goes wrong.
Me, serious

The usernames and passwords need to be the same, at the very least.
Can't I just copy and paste the items over and use another theme instead? The sidebars aren't working on this installation since I added the security plugin.

Please don't make me do this
But she didn't listen...

Clown car pileup

...with predictable results.
And I'm really naffed off about it. Needless to say, they're blaming me for all of the resultant mess, evidence be damned. It's the "evidence be damned" part that annoys me the most.

Me blamed